“Am i not supposed to have what i want…what i need? What am i supposed to do?”
These words, uttered by Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) in Spiderman 2, captured perfectly the essence of my angst as i wrestled with the Father last weekend.
There was an imperceptible something welling up from within – something that made me look quizzically, sometimes exasperatedly at the sky, somehow expecting an answer from He who is the answer; something that kept my jaw clenched, my eyes fixed ahead; something that preserved my heart in melancholy deep.
How am i to serve You when i’m so weak?
How can i be the son You want me to be – in the perfect likeness of Jesus Christ, my Lord?
How am i to teach truth, to point the way to the Truth in an age when people no longer believe in truth?
How am i to lead Your people in a time when even the Church is dead to wonder, blind to glory and mired in powerlessness?
In frustration, i turned to my trusty DVD collection.
And what do you know, He spoke, as He is becoming increasingly wont to do so, through the film.
“I believe there’s a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble and finally allows us to die with pride. Even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams…”
The answer is ever so simple.
If anyone would come after me, let his deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?”
Luke 9:23-25
Surrender.
Self-denial.
Take it all, Father.
Rip it out, tear it away, purge me, mould me, refine me in Your Holy fire and let the scum, the dross, the wretchedness and the revolting pass from me.
Till i am blameless, pure and given utterly to You.
Till i dwell in Your awesome glory.
Till i am one with You and You with me.
Even as He was one with You and You with Him.
you dont look as cheery these few days compared to the last few months. i began wondering if you’re very troubled.
you seemed to be in a daze during lessons. hmmm?
watched the film “son” and i thought of you and your post about your dad.
i hope i can see the fun and cheery mr sng soon.
smile!
-anonymous