My Sleepless Nights and Surreal Days

i actually wrote a post about the first day of school two days ago and published it. For some strange reason, it never appeared on the blog.

It’s been a difficult first three days, physically and emotionally.

Physically because, out of the past three nights, two of them have been sleepless ones.

The first sleepless night ocurred the night before school re-opened. i’ll chalk that down to an overwhelming sense of anticipation of the school year to come.

Last night was a sleepless one too.

i can’t describe how frustrating it is to not be able to sleep, when you’re tired and obviously in need of the sweet respite that sleep grants you.

Then again these sleepless nights are probably a symptom of grief and deep sadness within me.

Those in Cedar who know me well, students and teachers, would know the only cause of this grief.

i didn’t even realise how deeply i felt and how grieved i was, until we had our first lesson today.

i hate the awkwardness which seems to exist between us now.

i hate it all the more because it doesn’t and shouldn’t be there.

But, you know what, status and labels are temporary. Relationships are forever.

Or, at the very least, they can last forever if both parties put in the work and the love needed for any relationship to continue into eternity.

And that’s my promise – i will do all i can, by my finite means and strength and by the immeasurable power of God, to take the relationship that we have built to eternity.

Will you?

i’m not sure if anyone noticed, but there were a couple of times, when i was speaking at the beginning and at the end of the lesson, that i could have choked on my words and teared.

i was this close.

The words of the song Parachutes by Coldplay seem oddly appropriate.

In a haze, a stormy haze,
I’ll be round, I’ll be loving you always, always,
Here I am and I’ll take my time,
Here I am and I’ll wait in line always, always

It may not show that apparently on my face but if you watch me carefully, you’ll notice that i’m quietly devastated.

So now, let me end this entry the way i ended the one that disappeared two days ago:

Nothing and no one can ever change the fact that you all are my 3M.

Always my Three Moo-Moos/Moo-ers.

Always.