a ton of sighs

my heart weighed an eternity’s ton today,
so i lifted my eyes to the sky -
in search of your heart, to seek
its comforting beat, if only to lull
my broken, broken heart to sleep.

but i saw an invisible strand,
buffeted by a chary breath, which caught,
only just, the hesitant rays of dawn,
then the sighs fled and filled me once again:
this singular skein bound us.

you are the sole escape,
the infinite refuge of my restlessness,
thus i plunge, i leap
into the still, silent deep, into
the cresting, crashing welcome – of home.

black/grey/white

we wade in the grey
sometimes falling flat, face
hurtling deep in dismay,
but we’re fine with that.

anything’s better than the black.
anything but the sinking
sand; the noose round neck,
wrists wrung, and silent screaming.

anything but. thank you for the red
which broke through to grey and,
will to white. now no longer dead,
we will rise to the endless, in the end.

branded with the foolish cross,
o people of the grey, come to fight!
come join the fray! we suffer no loss
in seeking the white, o glorious light!

My Thanks

Father, thank You for 4M’s response during SEL.

Thank You for their earnest, sweet and gentle hearts.

Thank You for sustaining me through another Monday.

Thank You showing me each day in different ways how precious a gift Josiah truly is.

Thank You for Your word. Your word is truth.

My Thanks

Thank You, Father, for the enthusiasm of 4Madness.

Thank You for the fun-ness of 4I.

Thank You for the self-sacrificial love of Joanne.

Thank You for the purity of Josiah’s smiles.

Thank You for old friends.

Thank You for lifting me out of the Slough of Despond.

My Broken Offering

There are days when you wonder what’s the point of it all.

What is the point of teaching others how to use language accurately, to communicate effectively, to think critically?

What is the point of teaching a play some dead guy wrote four hundred years ago?

What is the point of teaching someone how to analyse a poem or a piece of prose?

Because the sad truth is that most people are not going to ascertain the veracity of what they listen to or of what they read or of what they watch.

Most people simply prefer not to think.

To allow the mind to idle, to blot out the harshness of reality, to remain in the blissful cocoon of ignorance.

So why should i bother?

For an A1?

For 100% distinctions?

For an MSG of 1.0?

For an L1R5 of 6.0?

i wish i could bludgeon myself into thinking that that is all to education.

It would make things a whole lot easier.

i wouldn’t have to care about people. i wouldn’t have to try to bridge the gap. i wouldn’t want to know you for who you are.

So, Father, give me strength to bear with the heartache of a thousand bored faces, a thousand cobwebbed minds, a thousand souls content to remain in darkness.

Father, hold me up that i may take an extra step towards another scarred and lonely person.

Father, grasp in your hand the shards of my heart for i cannot bear one more moment in this broken world.

Father, take all of me, this wretched offering, and use me as you will.

My Unworthy Self

Dear Father, thank You for the privilege of speaking to Your people about spiritual friendship and accountability.

Thank You for helping me to speak Your truth and Your heart through my unclean and unworthy lips and tongue.

Thank You for choosing time and again to work in, with and through us, broken jars of clay that we are.

Continue to reveal Your light and Your glory in and through us, Father, that You may be glorified, that all the world may acknowledge that You are the living God and that Jesus Christ, our Lord, is Your Son.

My Remembrance

Thank You, Abba, for Your still, small voice.

Thank You for deigning to speak to and through me, wretched man that i am.

Thank You for Your inexorable grace and love.

Thank You for the mighty Cross.

My Humbled Heart

Father, thank You for all that you bless us so richly with.

There is no cause for us to boast in ourselves.

For what talent, what intelligence, what ability do we possess that we did not receive from You before our conception?

For what effort, what discipline, what diligence did we exert that came not from Your hand, Your strength?

There is naught but to offer a humbled cry of thanksgiving unto You.

There is naught.

My Wow

Father, I give thanks to You for 4I; for their excellent attitude in completing the blog assignment.

Thank You for Josiah’s pure and exuberant smiles.

Thank You for the way he nestles so comfortably and securely in my arms.

Thank You for Joanne who is a fantastic mother and a model helpmeet.

Thank you for many, many blessings.

My heart cannot contain my joy at Your love; i am awed, i am humbled by your mercy, your grace and your loving kindness.

Wow.

My Thank You

Thank You, Father, for the gift of fellowship and for how Your presence is mediated through fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Thank You for the encouraging attitude that 4M displayed today.

Thank You for the time to have lunch with Joanne and Josiah today.

Thank You for Your grace, which is sufficient for me. Thank You that your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Thank You for always being in pursuit of us. Indeed, we love because you first loved us.