My Thank You

Thank You, Father, for the gift of fellowship and for how Your presence is mediated through fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Thank You for the encouraging attitude that 4M displayed today.

Thank You for the time to have lunch with Joanne and Josiah today.

Thank You for Your grace, which is sufficient for me. Thank You that your strength is made perfect in my weakness.

Thank You for always being in pursuit of us. Indeed, we love because you first loved us.

rescue

the shuddering tremor of life
reverberates, aches to the marrow,
prompting a frantic retreat
into numbing distraction, into
the abyss.

but yours is an invincible grip.
an unbreakable three-fold cord which
secures me for eternity
to you.

i can but only sink
to my knees.

My Thanksgiving

Thank You, Father, for your steadfast love which endures forever!

Thank You for being the foundation to our lives.

Thank You for the revelation of Your self through Your Son, the Lord Jesus Christ and through the Scriptures.

Thank You for the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth, who illumines our minds to know Your truth.

Thank You for the tough-fibred love of my mother and her wondrous cooking.

Thank You for Your continual rehabilitation of my father in my heart.

Your grace is amazing!

It truly is.

My Small Talk

i attended another wedding today.

It was the wedding of a dear brother whom i got to know in the Varsity Christian Fellowship (VCF) back in my uni days.

It was heartening to see him give his life and receive another’s in promise, having known of some of the struggles he has been wrestling with in his life.

Our Father’s heart of love and restoration and its practical outworking never fails to bring me to tears (most of the time).

Anyway, after the wedding ceremony, i found myself seeing familiar faces during the reception. My natural response, you would think, would be to rush over and engage in hearty banter and, perhaps, reminisce about the good old days.

Well, you would have thought wrong.

Today, for some strange reason, more so than any other day prior to this day, i was acutely conscious of how much i abhor and dread small talk.

And i don’t mean in a smile-politely-and-move-on kind of way.

It’s really more of a shriek (purely for dramatic effect. i don’t and can’t shriek…not since puberty happened anyway.)-skin-crawling-get-me-out-of-here-at-all-cost kind of way.

It’s not that i didn’t like the people i saw at the reception. On the contrary, they are dear brothers and sisters, with whom i have shared times of friendship which will surely resound in the halls of eternity.

It’s the awkwardness i hate.

It’s the awkwardness that explodes all over a situation when you’re forced to ask about how a person’s been without really expecting a truthful or comprehensive answer to that deceptively complex question.

It’s that heart-sinking awkwardness that comes with talking about the weather, about what you’re up to lately, about how’s life, about the food.

If i had my way, all conversation would be about deep, soul-stirring stuff or light-hearted repartee.

Anything but the banal superficiality that is small talk.

Of course, the only problem with my impossible ideal?

There has to be some small talk before that happens; even the best of friends start out as acquaintances.

Your Sunset

Thank You, Abba, for a beautiful sunset as i jogged.

Thank You for 4M.

Thank You for the reminder about the miracle and gift that is marriage and the responsibilities it entails.

Thank You for Josiah’s smiles.

Thank You for the way he calms down immediately when i hold him against me.

Thank You for helping me to understand a father’s heart – your heart – a little more by loaning Josiah to me and making me a father.

Your Grace

All in all it was a blessed first day back at school, six and a half periods notwithstanding.

Thank You, Father, for the strength, physical and emotional, that sustained me throughout the entire day.

Thank You for causing my path to cross with those of the students in my new classes.

Thank You for what they shared during the times of introduction.

Thank You for revealing Your image in them as they shared.

Thank You for being my rock and my high tower.

Thank You for being my light.

My Resolution

I will recount the steadfast love of the LORD,

the praises of the LORD,

according to all that the LORD has granted us,

and the great goodness to the house of Israel

that he has granted them according to his compassion,

according to the abundance of his steadfast love.

Isaiah 63:7

Our Musical

It’s 12.40 am as i write this post, my first in four months, and Let It Be, the Cedar musical version, is still sounding in my head as it first did when i woke up this morning.

i must admit i am somewhat surprised at the way i’m feeling.

The entire process of the musical ended on 22 November 2008, which makes it exactly a year since the idea of a public performance, combining the talents of the performing arts CCAs, was first mooted among the various teachers heading the CCAs.

And, to be honest, up till the day of the performance, i thought i would only feel a deep sense of relief and release, having been ambivalent about taking on the onerous task of directing a “history-making” school musical while also juggling the considerable and alien demands of fatherhood.

As it turned out, the musical went swimmingly well and, with the benefit of hindsight, i see my Father’s hand in extruding me into the position of the director.

Few will know that prior to being posted to Cedar Girls’ and still in the throes of trainee teacherhood, i made a few requests of God which i hoped would be fulfilled if they were within His will. One of these was the opportunity to create and direct a public performance which communicated a positive message of some sort.

It’s amazing how our Father remembers such prayers and brings things to pass even when i had cast aside all hope of ever being able to participate in any sort of public performance. How He has worked is even more wondrous considering that Cedar has a strong tradition in athletics and sports and uniformed groups. In my perspective at least, this is strong evidence of His involvement. It’s a pattern that’s oft repeated in the Scriptures.

Returning to the raison d’etre of this post though, i never thought that i’d be suffering from post-production funk/melancholy syndrome, PPFS or PPMS if you will.

But i cannot help feeling this way.

Not after enjoying such a wonderful sense of camaraderie with my colleagues and fellow production members. i marvel at the team spirit that existed within the production team and how we were all willing to sacrifice personal grouses and particularities for the sake of others. When people work together in meekness and humility, anything is possible.

It’s incredible to encounter such a wondrously talented group of students who matched their talent with effort and a persevering spirit that is the hallmark of every true Cedarian. To the musicians, the choir, the soloists, the stage/sound/lighting crew, you were all superb, surpassing every expectation and you all deserve the adulation and praise that has been showered upon you.

To the soloists with whom i worked closely, i am utterly thankful for having had the experience of working with all of you.  You all gave your very best and that’s all i or anyone can ever ask of you. That you could do so is a sign of your maturity and sterling character and i am honoured and privileged to have been your director.

My only regret is that we, the production team, should have scheduled at least two more performances so as to give proper and sufficient exposure to the talent and effort that has marked the production. Well, if things go well, i think a reunion performance sometime in mid-February is in the pipeline, which would be fantastic actually.

So, after the final line’s been spoken, the final lyric sung, what will we make of all this, when it’s all said and done?

My heart rejoices at the sharing of lives that has taken place in the course of the production. It will remain ever etched in the halls of our memory, pressed deep into the soft tissue of our souls.

But there will never be a time again when all of us, each individual and unique person, we shall never together share our lives with each other as deeply as we have done. We will never work again in one heart, one soul, one mind towards a single glorious ambition.

The best we can do is remember well the time we once did.

May we then seek to share of ourselves thus deeply with others with whom our paths, in future, will cross.

Let it be, Father.

Let it be.

Back On The Bus

the world, it seems, mourns with me
for she has shrouded herself with a
veil of grey, and her eyes are clouded,
pregnant with tears. And everything’s
inverted, topsy-turvy crazy, seen
through a splash of fears, the
smithereens of her broken tears.

how can you ignore the fracture,
the fragments flung and scattered
carelessly about? They crunch and crack
beneath our feet, as she spins helplessly
round and round.

but backs are turned and hands shoved
tight in pockets turn into furious fists; soon
we scurry back into holes, doors slammed shut
tell of untold woe. And the cars drone on by.

They drone on by.

My Course

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Matthew 16:24-28

And he began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes and be killed, and after three days rise again. And he said this plainly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, “Get behind me, Satan! For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

Mark 8:31-38

And he strictly charged and commanded them to tell this to no one, saying, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.” And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the Son of Man be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:21-27

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

“Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

Luke 14:25-35

Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, saying, “Rabbi, eat.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples said to one another, “Has anyone brought him something to eat?” Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work. Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest’? Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together. For here the saying holds true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’ I sent you to reap that for which you did not labor. Others have labored, and you have entered into their labor.”

John 4:31-38

Now when Jesus saw a crowd around him, he gave orders to go over to the other side. And a scribe came up and said to him, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” Another of the disciples said to him, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.”

Matthew 8:18-22

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:57-62

And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me. But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. And now, behold, I know that none of you among whom I have gone about proclaiming the kingdom will see my face again. Therefore I testify to you this day that I am innocent of the blood of all of you, for I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole counsel of God.

Acts 20:22-27

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

Philippians 3:8-16

I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:22-27

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

What is my course, Father?